story time
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
(via finallytheoneforyou)
The idea that people had sex before the 20th century really freaks me out. Like George Washington probably got a blow job and that makes me uncomfortable.
(via xotruelovelastsforeverxo)
Reasons I grab my boobs
- running upstairs
- running downstairs
- running
- stoked on life
- scared
- walking through my house in the dark
- bored
- boobs
(via xotruelovelastsforeverxo)
if you take me on a date to an amusement park you have a 103% chance of getting laid
(via pyromaniactendencies)
Honestly, I’m very disappointed in Tumblr-daddy (David Karp) for selling to yahoo. I seriously thought he was going to stand up to them and deny the money. So he’s off with his $1.1 billion dollars, and we’re left here, awaiting the day when our platform crumbles. NOt to mention Tumblr’s now-owners insulted every user on here, calling us ‘overdramatic children’ as soon as the money was handed over.
David, I thought Tumblr meant family?
(via pyromaniactendencies)
honestly I think in general if someone punched me in the face I’d be too tired to respond
(via pyromaniactendencies)
if we’re dating you’re allowed to touch my butt whenever you want
10/10 would recommend
(via pyromaniactendencies)
if i ever got sentenced to house arrest i’d just laugh at the judge
(Source: hunterandrewpence, via loserslol)
when i was like 12 i used to hate one really bitchy and annoying girl from our class so i sent her a text “you will die in 7 days” during a class and she burst into tears and her mum went to police and i was so scared so i flushed my phone down the toilet
(via asexuaal)
